Devin's posterous

Original source: http://bit.ly/dz6kbr

 
Subject: FW: Dr. Laura

During her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant

Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus

18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.  The following

response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by James Kaufman of Virginia, and

posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:

 

 

Dear Dr. Laura:

 

     Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's

Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that

knowledge with as many people as I can.  When someone tries to defend

the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that

Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of

debate.

 

     I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other

elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

 

     1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male

and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.  A

friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not

Canadians.  Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

 

     2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned

in Exodus 21:7.  In this day and age, what do you think would be a

fair price for her?

 

     3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is

in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24.  The problem

is how do I tell?  I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

 

     4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it

creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.  The problem is my

neighbors.  They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.  Should I

smite them?

 

     5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.

Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.  Am I morally

obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

 

     6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is

an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than

homosexuality.  I don't agree.  Can you settle this?  Are there

'degrees' of abomination?

 

     7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if

I have a defect in my sight.  I have to admit that I wear reading

glasses.  Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some

wiggle-room here?

 

     8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the

hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by

Lev. 19:27.  How should they die?

 

     9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig

makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

 

     10. My uncle has a farm.  He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two

different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing

garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester

blend).  He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.  Is it really

necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town

together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to

death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep

with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

 

     I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy

considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.

 

     Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and

unchanging.

 

Your adoring fan.

James M. Kauffman,

Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,

Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education

University of Virginia

 

PS (It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian)